https://sites.google.com/view/eng-145-project/project-2-revision-2
Project Three main & Revision One:
https://sites.google.com/view/eng-145-project/project-3
Project Three Revision Two:
https://sites.google.com/view/eng-145-project/project-3-revision-2
Hi Brett, I really enjoyed reading your project 2 revision. You put a lot of great effort into making your paragraphs and thesis concise. I liked how you provide a bit of a preview on the yellow woman in your introduction paragraph and then continue to expand on that story in the second and third paragraphs. You put in good evidence supporting your statements and also do a good job of explaining a bit more about the character. I also like how you begin some of your paragraphs with a specific topic you want to address since it gives your readers a clue about what your paragraph will be about. Some minor things that need to be fixed are grammatical errors and in text citations in some parts, as well as sentence structure since they need to be reworded differently. For example, the first sentence in your last paragraph does not make sense, try taking out the word "but" or maybe reword it a little differently. Other than that you did a fantastic job in your project, and keep up the awesome work.
ReplyDeleteHello Brett!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading your second project and think you did great with it! I really like that you took two stories that are extremely different and dissimilar but managed to find something that connects them both and was able to write about it! You did great in making sure your paragraphs flow well and made it easy for readers. I also liked the quotes that you put in and you did great in explaining them. The only thing I could say would be to proofread for grammar but besides that I think you did great. Keep it up!
Hi Brett!
ReplyDeleteI’ve read your revised version of the second project submission and I just want to say great job! I read your first submission the other week and I noticed that you put a lot of hard work into your revision which I really admire. I think I pointed out in my previous comment that I wanted to see more of what you had to say about the story “Yellow Woman” and I’m glad to see that you did expand more on that story, you managed to provide interesting commentary on the behaviors of the main character. One question was actually raised for me, though, while reading this revision. What prompt did you base your project off of? I realized that I was a little confused about the overall topic of your paper, but I’m just asking out of curiosity. You do a great job of using quotes from the readings and explaining their relevance in your project. Good work on your project revision.
Hello Brett, great job on your project revision. I did not read your first draft, but you did a great job first off explaining in your introduction exactly what you plan to discuss in your paper. I am not sure what prompt you chose and even though your introduction concerning what you would be analyzing was clear. I was not sure how the two stories tied together until the end when you stated that “both authors were influenced by their backgrounds/nation to create their stories. The "Yellow Woman" showed the setting of the story influenced the character because of the stories she grew up hearing and "From the Song of Myself" showed the story can teach us about a time or place differently than a history book could because it was from an American living through the Civil War. “So, my only suggestion is to maybe make this connection early in the introduction to make your argument stronger. Other than that great work!
ReplyDeleteHey Brett,
ReplyDeleteReading your project two submission I can understand that you truly knew the information you were writing about and that lead to your submission being so in depth. Your introduction is good by it being short and to the point but I believe you could do a little more work on explaining why both text connect or if they are just super different. You hopped into the information so quickly your thesis is not clear enough to guide readers on "okay this what I am talking bout when I am analyzing both of these text" Your analysis was done very well in my opinion so if you just add a few more quotes just to over load readers with evidence on why your stance is correct and have a clear thesis your project will be perfect. So just keep up the good work and when you look at your feedback just do this in the next project submission and you will only see how clear your project is for the next go around.
Hi Brett!
ReplyDeleteI thought the topic you chose was really unique and interesting, in addition to suiting the stories you chose quite well. It was a little confusing at first, but as you explained your points I could see what you were showing in the texts a bit better. Maybe it would help to make your point more defined from the start, such as specifying in what ways stories can teach us differently than history books can.
I would also advise minor clean ups in wording and grammar, and maybe a bit longer of an introductory paragraph (maybe you could tie it in more directly to your paragraphs to add some length as well as improve your points even more), and a longer analysis of your first work since it's significantly shorter than your second, but besides that I think your analysis is very well done and I understood how you answered the main question, even if it wasn't immediately obvious. Hope this helps!
Hello and good evening Brett!
ReplyDeleteFirst off I would like to say - very well done! I truly enjoyed reading your project and I hope you find my feedback helpful to you.
Disclaimer: I don't mean to be harsh or come off as rude in my comments, I would just like you to have the best final grade possible! And these are just my opinions and what I would question as if I were grading your paper! So take it with a grain of salt!
Some notes on writing and citation:
When you stated
“For my third project submission I have chosen the stories, "Easter 1916" By: William Butler Yeats and "Notes of a Native Son" By: James Baldwin to argue why I think the stories can teach us differently about a time or place differently than a history book.”
I really liked how you addressed the prompt and that I knew just what I was going to read!
You cited everything very well!
“Yeats being around during the events” – He also had friends who died. Maybe give some slight history on “The events” for people who do not know what the story is about?
“With as how short this quote is{comma} it can show a lot about how Yeats views the revolution. {In addition to} the thought of how it must have been for Yeats to be an Irishman witnessing it all unfold.” – In the {} are my recommendation. I would also say to maybe read your work out loud and if you trip up at all you may want to revise that bit of work
“This quote gives a look at Baldwin coming to realization that he was treated differently because of his skin. During this time period which is during the 1940's shows how different things once were.” – Wording is a bit wordy But I like the point you are trying to make.
Over all well done! Keep up the good work!
Hello Bret!
ReplyDeleteCommenting on your third project, and I think you did very well! You took two stories that were different and compared them quite well, as they told stories and emotions from people's point of view rather than facts from history books. I think the pacing and the layout of the project was excellent and you quoted things very well. I would say just proofread your grammar and sentence structure but besides that, I think your project turned out great!
hi Brett
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed that you pretty much laid out the main point that you were going to talk about in each of the paragraphs because it got me ready for what the topic you are about discuss and what I was about to be thinking about. I think you had a great contextual evidence and you did a great job incorporating the literature and quotes from it into your project that made it flow very well together. I also like how you formatted your project it made it easy to read and follow. Your project also answers your main question pretty good I think. I could not really find anything wrong with your third project since you have had a lot of practices writing in this class. You did an excellent job I enjoyed reading your project you have grown a lot from your first project to last keep up the good work.
hi Brett, Overall I found it interesting. I wasn't sure at first what your thesis was but then after reading it again I was able to conclude that your argument is to show how literature can be more insightful than history. I think you were able to support your argument well with exploring the two author's perspective on historical events that occurred in their lifetime. It did make me agree with the fact that history books cant provide what literature provides because authors actually experience the effects of the historical events. This then brings to another positive in your essay which is that you were able to use quotations that showed the effects of the historical events in the author's lives. Overall, good work!
ReplyDeleteHi Brett. Your final project turned out very well. It was very interesting and I liked the way it flowed. I found you had great quotes and that they worked great into your project. I also found that history books cannot be as easily relatable than personal stories. I also wrote on this topic for my project; and think that it is more relatable and easier to read about history in a personable story than a history book because we actually get personal details and feelings about what happened, whereas history books pretty much only give us dates and events that happened. Good job!
ReplyDelete